


Delete Me

by ceruleantwin



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: F/M, Fun, Light-Hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 09:57:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14017752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceruleantwin/pseuds/ceruleantwin
Summary: Vergil and Dante are competing as usual, this time via Snapchat to see "Who looks better?" Unfortunately for Vergil, he inadvertently sends his photo to the wrong person.





	Delete Me

**Author's Note:**

> This story is JUST FOR FUN. It was an idea I pitched to a friend randomly, so I typed it up really quickly. Characters might be a bit OOC -- This is just a light-hearted drabble, really -- Not to be taken too seriously! That being said, enjoy!!

Vergil smirked slightly at his own reflection in the full length bathroom mirror. He had removed his shirt and taken several photos of himself in the mirror’s reflection using this “Snapchat” that Dante had installed for him. Normally the elder twin was above such… uncouth behavior, but his brother kept sending ridiculous photos of himself to try and show off and claim that he was the “better looking” twin. Besides, it wasn’t like they were nude photos… just shirtless so they could compare physiques -- still embarrassing, but if his brother tried to blackmail him then Vergil had ammo of his own.

The photo in question was rather casual; Vergil had one arm bent a bit behind his head, his fingertips gracefully brushing the tips of his hair. He was shirtless, his jeans (a gift from his brother to look ‘more normal and less of an uptight-prick’ he had said) were slung low enough to show off his impeccable torso. Even the angle of his arm was just right to flex all of the necessary muscles and look effortless while doing so. It was a model-worthy photo, in his personal and not-so-humble opinion. The devil eyed it critically, satisfied that it was MUCH better than the atrocity his twin had sent him while flexing in front of his toilet, and pulled up the text box, just like he’d been shown. It was a bit silly to be ‘fighting’ over this, especially since Vergil could barely work the app, but he was never one to settle for losing at anything.

“Hm…” Vergil hummed to himself as he typed out a quick caption of, _**“Try not to drool,”**_ and positioned the text box over his stomach. Satisfied that even Dante would have to admit he looked stellar, the elder devil sent the photo through the app and smirked to himself as he exited the bathroom. He made his way through his small apartment and flopped unceremoniously onto his couch to await his brother’s reply. He laid his phone on the glass coffee table before him and turned on the television to some nature documentary to help pass the time while he waited.

_‘If he even bothers… probably realizes he’s lost,’_ he snorted to himself.

It took a little longer than Vergil expected for his phone to chime, the buzzing of the vibration on the glass startling him enough to make him jump. He quickly snatched up the device, smirking a bit more as he saw the Snapchat icon in the upper corner of his screen. The devil eagerly opened the app, seeing that it was a text only reply and not a picture. Clearly he had won if Dante didn’t have a photo to answer with. It wasn’t until he opened the reply that Vergil noticed something was amiss.

_**“if you dont stop sending me shit like this ill blow your brains out for real >8[ ,”**_ read the message. 

Vergil quirked up an eyebrow in confusion, wondering when their contest went from lighthearted to serious. His question was answered rather quickly when another message followed not thirty seconds later.

_**“And stop pretending to be your brother you sicko. He looks better than you anyways.”** _

That last message had Vergil’s eyebrows raising towards his hairline. Clearly this was not Dante… but then, **who** exactly was it? Vergil barely knew how to work his phone, let alone add anyone to this thing -- they didn’t have Snapchat or cellphones in the Demon Realm. Had Dante messed with it without telling him? Obviously. Vergil wouldn’t put it past him, and of course like a fool he’d just clicked on the first name he saw on the list to send his photo. The devil frowned deeply and went back into the contacts menu of the app. It looked like Dante had added multiple people there but none of them really looked familiar besides “Dante”, so he assumed his brother had messed with the names on the display.

The user he was currently chatting with was labeled as, “Dante,” but clearly it wasn’t him unless the younger twin was just trying to fool him, but that seemed unlikely. So if it wasn’t Dante... who the hell was this then? Whoever it was, they were clearly annoyed with Dante and expected to receive messages of this sort from him. Vergil got a clearer picture of the mystery person when he received another message not even a full minute later.

_**“If youve got time to make new accounts to bother me with then you have time to help me with that job i told you about last week. Answer the phone you jackass.”** _

Job… Job… only a couple of people would be calling Dante about doing a job like that. He didn’t think it was Trish, she would most certainly _enjoy_ photos like that from his brother. And Dante seemed like he focused most of his attention on women, so it most likely wasn’t a male. Then who? Vergil pursed his lips as he re-read the message.

Not Dante. Female. Not Trish.

Lady.

Shit.

Of course it was her. Vergil growled quietly, threatening his brother under his breath as he glared at the screen. Of course he would be made to look like an ass in front of her… Dante probably noticed him staring at her last time and did this on purpose. Vergil briefly wondered how hard it would be to hide his brother’s body before he shook the thought away. He would punish him later -- right now he needed to deal with this mess.

The devil opened the app and started to type out an apology, when a sudden thought struck him. Lady (or who he presumed to be her) had told _“Dante”_ that his brother looked better… maybe this was an opportunity to actually get her to take notice of his affections.

Vergil smirked slightly as he laid back on the couch, propping his head up on his palm of his free hand as he snapped another casual photo of himself laying on his side on the couch. Shirtless. He quickly typed, _**“Sorry, wrong number,”**_ over the photo in the text box and sent it to her before he could change his mind. Now all he had to do was wait.

The reply was nearly instantaneous and the devil opened his Snapchat with glee. She would probably just curse at him and tell him to go away, but he was still excited.

_**“Stop fucking with me and answer the phone.”** _

Vergil rolled his eyes. Clearly she either dealt with this sort of thing from Dante a lot, or she just genuinely did not believe he himself was capable of such things. The devil decided to make it a little easier for her and fetched Yamato from his bedroom for proof. He sat back down on the couch with the bottom of the sword’s sheath on the floor and handle resting lightly against his chest, his hand that wasn’t occupied with the camera holding onto the weapon loosely.

_**“Wrong twin, perhaps?,”**_ he typed over the photo he took, which featured a small smirk at the viewer. She would definitely be annoyed at that, but he couldn’t help wanting to tease her a little for actually confusing him with his brother.

The wait for a response was much longer this time, though in reality it was probably only about five minutes. When it finally came Vergil nearly dove for the phone on the coffee table in his excitement. He quickly opened the snap, only to snort loudly at the response he received.

_**“Delete me.”** _

Simple and to the point. It was funny though… Dante had received threats, he had not. Smirking a bit more, Vergil decided he would continue to prod her for reactions. If she really didn’t want to converse with him, he was sure she would find a way. His cat, a massive and fluffy gray and black thing named Plato walked by just then, and he scooped him up for a photo op -- surely she wouldn’t be able to resist. Vergil snapped a photo of himself cradling the enormous cat to his bare chest while Plato looked on uninterestedly.

_**“Be careful, you’ll hurt Plato’s feelings,”**_ he sent back with the photo.

_**“Cute. Get rid of the guy and keep the cat and then we can talk,”**_ came the curt reply.

_**“You could always come over and pet me,”**_ Vergil replied over the photo he took of Plato by himself on the couch a few minutes later.

_**“You or the cat? In your dreams, asshole.”** _

Vergil snorted lightly to himself as he read her last reply.

_‘You have no idea…’_

The devil sighed, sensing he might truly be starting to irritate her, but he was enjoying this odd sort of exchange they had going on.

_**“I can’t be the only one sending photos in this relationship,”**_ he typed back boldly, this time without a photo attached.

Two minutes later he received a photo of the Lady’s gun and the caption, _**“You can have a relationship with this instead.”**_

The devil snorted aloud, startling the cat a bit, and flopped back against the couch again. 

_**“If you’re offering,”**_ he typed back quickly.

_**“Anytime, anywhere,”**_ came the curt response.

Getting a bit bolder, Vergil typed in his address and sent it to her. She probably wouldn’t come. 

Since he had nothing to do but wait now, the devil went back to his bedroom and tugged on a simple light blue button up shirt and made his way into the open kitchen off to the side of his living room area. He rolled up the sleeves to his elbows and removed his black apron from its place near the stove and put it on. Dante laughed at him for wearing it whenever he saw, but the elder twin preferred to keep his clothes clean and not be a slob like his brother. Vergil started removing ingredients for a nice pasta dinner and got to work. If Lady didn’t show up, then he would just have leftovers for later. 

Feeling a bit more comfortable now that he’d already possibly made a fool of himself to her, Vergil snapped a photo of himself stirring a pot of sauce.

_**“Can I bribe you not to shoot me until you’ve tasted this?”**_ he typed out and sent the photo to her.

Once again, the devil received no reply to his message so he shrugged it off and went back to cooking. It was nearly thirty minutes later as he was straining the noodles that Vergil heard a knock at his apartment door. He quirked an eyebrow as he turned off everything since he was about done anyways, and headed over to open the door for who he _hoped_ was Lady.

The second the devil opened the door, a gun was shoved up underneath his chin enough to tilt his head back slightly. Just as expected from the fiery huntress.

“Good evening, Lady. Food’s just about done, are you hungry?” Vergil all but purred as he glanced down at the brunette from his uncomfortable position.

“Tch, at least you’re wearing clothes this time, you bastard,” Lady snapped as she lowered her gun just enough for him to be able to move his head and neck again. “I expect that shit from Dante, but not from you,” she added with a small hiss.

“Would you believe me if I told you that message wasn’t intended for you? ...Not that I’m complaining, personally,” Vergil replied smoothly as he eyed her. Was that a tinge of jealousy he just saw flash across her eyes? The devil thought perhaps he might be mistaken, but she had definitely given him a weird look when he said that.

“Oh? So you make it a habit of sending tons of people naked photos of yourself then?” Lady snapped back and jabbed him in the chest with the barrel of the gun.

“I was wearing pants,” Vergil defended himself. “And no, I don’t send photos of myself to ‘tons’ of people, it really was just a case of mistaken identity.”

“I bet it was. You’re as bad as your brother,” Lady huffed as she reholstered her gun. “First he hassles me all the time and sends gross shit I do not want to see, and now somehow he’s roped you into it, too.

Vergil sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He really didn’t want to admit to why she’d gotten the photos, it sounded idiotic even to him, but he didn’t want her thinking he was being some kind of scumball either.

“Actually, you should blame him… but I really didn’t know. We were having a stupid sort of contest, if you will. Of which one of us looks better… and yes, I know we’re identical,” Vergil explained as he raised his hands in a slightly defensive gesture. “I suppose that fool changed the contacts in my phone because I definitely sent that photo to _‘Dante’_ and well, you know the rest.”

Vergil watched Lady as she stared at him, some sort of mixture of skepticism, annoyance, and maybe a bit of… relief? At least she wasn’t going to shoot him. Yet.

“...That sounds just about as ignorant as something the two of you would do,” she finally spoke up after a moment. “I expect this more from him, but I guess you two are brothers and some of the biggest idiots I know, when I think about it. Of course he’d drag you into this shit. But why me?” she huffed and folded her arms over her chest as she glared a bit harder.

“That’s probably my fault as well,” Vergil admitted with a small shrug. “I suppose Dante… noticed my interest, and decided to stir the pot,” he continued, unable to stop his cheeks from heated slightly. Vergil wasn’t afraid of anything, but this was pretty unfamiliar territory. 

The pair stared at each other for so long that Vergil thought perhaps Lady had gone into shock. Her lips were parted just slightly, her eyes wide, and her posture stiff. She was either freaked out or plotting murder. Vergil cleared his throat to break the awkward silence and motioned to the inside of his apartment.

“Ahem, well… now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself… would you care to join us for dinner?” Vergil offered as he plastered a small smile on his face to drive away the feelings of mortification. “I’m sure Plato would be thrilled for the extra company, and you wouldn’t want to disappoint him, would you?” he added lightly.

Lady snorted loudly and rolled her eyes -- clearly she saw through his antics. 

“Yeah well, I wouldn’t want to upset him, right? Besides, who could resist that apron?” she replied somewhat sarcastically and waltzed past Vergil into the apartment. 

“Exactly. He’s very sensitive,” Vergil answered her as he closed the door and made his way into the main room behind her. “Please, make yourself comfortable, the food’s nearly done,” he called out as he motioned to the couch on his way back to the kitchen. Vergil quickly set about plating the food and slicing up the bread he’d made. Everything was carried to the table and placed accordingly, followed by two glasses and a bottle of wine. The devil removed his apron and put down a small plate with a little bit of sliced up spaghetti for Plato -- yes, he was spoiled but he could have real food later -- and then he made his way out to fetch his guest.

The devil arched an eyebrow when he found Lady curled up on the couch, no shoes on, with Plato sleeping in her lap comfortably.

“He doesn’t usually take to strangers so quickly,” Vergil spoke up, startling her just slightly. “Dinner’s ready,” he added as he swept his arm outward in the direction of the table. Lady nodded and stood up, holding the giant ball of fluff that was his cat, and followed him into the dining area.

“Just sit him down there, he can eat with us,” Vergil instructed and motioned to the small plate a little ways away on the floor.

“You really shouldn’t feed him that…” Lady snorted as she placed the cat down. “He’s going to get sick.”

 

“It’s perfectly safe, and it’s just a tiny bit. I don’t want him to feel left out,” Vergil explained with a small smirk. 

“...You’re ridiculous,” Lady shot back as she joined him at the table. 

“So I’ve been told,” the devil replied and pulled her chair out for her. “Please, sit and enjoy,” he crooned and pushed her chair in comfortably once she’d sat down. Vergil poured them both a glass of wine before he took his seat across from her. 

“...So…” he hummed, looking a bit thoughtful. “In your message, you said you thought I was better looking than Dante. Is that true?” he asked a bit smugly. A loud bang interrupted him before he could say anything else.

Vergil woke up several hours later tangled up in his chair on the floor. He wasn’t sure what exactly had happened as he groggily pushed himself up from the floor. It took him a moment to extract himself from the overturned chair and climb to his feet, but when he did he noticed that the apartment was dark and quiet. Plato was probably off sleeping somewhere, but where was Lady and why was it so dark outside?

The devil shook his head to clear it and reached a hand up to rub his eyes. He had a monster headache to top everything off. When Vergil pulled his hand away, he couldn’t help but to notice it had some flakes of dried blood clinging to it. With a grimace he glanced around, and finally noticed a piece of paper on the table next to his abandoned dinner plate. A note, perhaps? He picked it up to read it over, snorting softly as he understood what had happened -- she shot him after all!

_‘ Vergil. You’re an asshole and you deserved that. The food was good, but you’re still a jerk. When you stop being such an idiot, you can call me. I wouldn’t want the cat to think he did anything wrong,’_ the note read, followed by a phone number. The corner’s of Vergil’s lips lifted just slightly. So she **had** meant it, after all.

The devil quickly added the phone number to his phone and then set about correcting his contacts as best he could in his Snapchat. He wouldn’t want to mistakenly send anyone else anything meant for Lady. 

Maybe she was reading his mind, or just had good timing, but Vergil’s phone chimed just then and buzzed in his hand, indicating a Snap had arrived. He hurriedly opened it, seeing it was from Lady, and was greeted with an image of… her legs? In the bathtub, if the bubbles surrounding them were anything to go by. Not bad.

_**“I wouldn’t mind seeing that apron again -- if youre alive,”**_ the text on the photo read.

The devil snorted loudly and snatched up his apron from the hook where it was hanging. He could oblige her that request and _then some._


End file.
